Oh Snap!

Updated on Feb 11, 2014
black Love Culture boots - black Nasty Gal jacket
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walnutwhale 's Thoughts:

Gosh, I am exhausted today. This morning it took me about five minutes to acknowledge that my alarm was going off because half asleep I kept wondering "isn't someone going to turn that off?". I blame it on the fact that I cried myself to sleep last night. I'm not proud of it - I was letting my emotions get the better of me in a situation that is pretty much beyond my control and something I saw coming for a long time.

I recently lost one of my oldest and closest friends, and yesterday she quietly "cut the last tie" and deleted me off of Facebook. While I saw this coming - the two of us had been growing apart for ages and nothing really seemed to be able to repair it - the finality of the blow really got to me. While some people say "Facebook isn't real life!" I must argue that in our generation it most certainly IS. Deleting someone off of Facebook is psychologically "purging" them from your life, saying they don't have the privilege of even a voyeueristic and silent look into your life.

I think that's been the hardest part about reaching my mid twenties. I've definitely seen who my TRUE friends are (especially through a lot of the nonsense that occurred during the TV show - I was an awful friend who didn't have time for ANYONE because I was so wrapped up in my own life. The friend who deleted me off of Facebook could not forgive me for this, but I have some pretty solid amazing ladies who were nothing but gracious and understanding through all of it.) But it's difficult… I used to want to be friends with everyone and want everyone to like me so badly. I still desire that, but I don't compromise myself for people anymore - and that truly shows me who should be in my life and who shouldn't be.

All of my friends who are in their thirties assure me that this is a very natural part of your twenties - you grow up and leave people behind. While it's comforting to know it has happened to countless others, it does not much soothe the sting of loss.

I know all I can do is cling to the wonderful memories she and I had together. She was my best friend for many years and we helped each other through some incredibly difficult times and created some hilarious memories that I will always cherish. I hope someday she can release whatever anger she feels for me and we can laugh about this, but until then I will not allow myself to fall prey to anger or pettiness.

Have any of you experience the inevitable ebb and flow of friendship? How did you deal with it?

Comments (5)

love it!
anonymours on February 11
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