I'm trying a new style for my posts... less fantasy. I'm not sure how it's working so bear with me while I figure it out. Comments and constructive criticism are always welcome :)
Life has seemed so chaotic lately; but I believe that the worst is behind me. I go through phases where I forget all the craziness that is people, and agendas, and desires. I'm no longer afraid that the boy I like may decide that it's too much work to like me back. I stop feeling nervous about looking for a new job or stressed about working on this blog. During these periods I have no distracting emotions, no running thoughts that keep me from sleep. The world is calm, I feel at peace. It's like taking a step back and looking at life through someone else's eyes. Objective. Simple.
But then the moment is gone. I am swept back to the confusing, sometimes overwhelming, state that I call my norm. My goal is to reach those moments of clarity more every day. But I've been slipping. Every step I make against the tide, I am pushed back two. Sometimes I make it further only to fall and be tossed about in the current. To wash back on shore and forced to start again.
There are so many things I am afraid of, so many things I have to balance... and it becomes so hard to think of any of them when I feel this.. this peace. I can't seem to remember the worries that kept me up just yesterday. My hope is that the clarity lasts longer this time. It slipped away so quickly last time, without me even notiicing.
But there's no point in worrying about that now...it's late. I've got to get to bed.