I was appropriate in my outfit choice for the day (decked in all blue) for two reasons: (1) My veins are all black and blue from repeated IV insertions and (2) It was not such a good day, 4 days before Christmas where I tried and failed miserably in my drug tolerance/ drug allergy test at the E.R. again (2 days ago, it was Ivabradine, this time it was Amiodorone) for medications necessary for my heart to function well. Naturally, that got me quite sad and blue so I guess the color of my outfit represented what I was to feel that day-night. It's all so very dire really, but since I resolved to see the silver lining in everything, I am not giving up hope. It's Russian Roulette medication, I joked to my doctors and told them I felt like a guinea pig ie. test subject #24501, which left the wondering why I managed to still have quieta cheerful mood despite being doped up on Intravenous medications. I guess even when I should be blue, I choose to be happy. There is just so many things going on for me and I need to feel in control, fixed and have everything in order (including my reactions) or else I would probably fall apart. I have a fear of mess and clutter.
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