As you all know, one of the major setbacks of my life is that I am unable to travel. I am not complaining so people should stop rubbing it in my face as that will be pointless. The thing people tend to forget about me is that I am not an insecure person and I am not spiteful. One of the things I have always prided myself in is the fact that I am able to be genuinely happy for people especially if what they get to do is something I can not. So, if anyone were to ask me if I ever get envious or feel bad when my friends and family leave me alone in the country so they can be jet setters, my answer would definitely be NO. I don't think it would make any sense if I hate people for enjoying things that I cannot enjoy. If anything, I am the first person who gets excited about trips, even if they do not involve me. I try to plan the itinerary, make a to-do list, get those FAQs pamphlets and (of course, my specialty), coordinate outfits, given the weather situation of the place. I guess it is because I have gone through the worst and felt the worst things anyone could feel (sickness) and before other people get to go through that, I sincerely want them to experience life to the fullest... any human being deserves that and should not be denied that. One of the setbacks of my year was I was supposedly supposed to get cardiac clearance for International flights this December (as in like right now)... and for a pessimist, I was very optimistic, and decided that I should start shopping for winter clothes for my travels. I deserve it, I reckoned and my FOSSIL Dominique, being my number 1 supporter in life, was happy to help me shop for my supposed trips... But as usual, something got in the way and things did not push through as planned. And so, I was looking at my closet and realized how much stuff I have accumulated through time, and realized I would probably not be able to wear them for at least a year or so. So what is a girl to do? Why use it to keep warm with a dainty dress for a family gathering of course. I have always been courageous with wearing thigh high boots and fur vests even in Manila because I want to wear what I want to wear and to be frank, I don't give a damn enough to have to justify myself. I think all you need is to be brave and work an outfit with confidence and a whole lot of attitude. If you are comfortable with what you wear, nothing anyone has to say about it will matter and all the murmurs will be just buzzing sounds.
This outfit, in particular, is something I think I would wear if I was Pollyanna and I am therefore coining it the Pollyanna ensemble. It is so fresh, romantic and dainty and I am absolutely in love with it. There is a particular quotation that goes like this, "This is the art of courage: to see things as they are and still believe that the victory lies not those who avoid the bad, but those who taste, in living awareness, every drop of the good." and how aptly put. You see, courage is not just seeing things as they are, which is vastly important; courage is accepting reality with the ingenuity to continue to see and experience the many good things that still happen to us. In this aspect, this is probably why I absolutely love the character of Pollyanna, ever since, since I look up to emulate her and always get to see something interesting and exciting in everything that happens. I do not and probably never will like the grueling hospital visits and sadistic appointments, examinations, tests and extractions (to name a few) and yet, as I am honest with myself, I have to say, I am always the first to admit that these are necessary and I always learn something when I am finished. Due to the fact that I always like the character of Pollyanna, I realized there was a subtle judgmentalism attached to it and because of that I began to question myself. This is perhaps the first time I associated myself with someone who I did not see who was all broken and damaged like me. In college, everyone always referred to, saying that I was THAT GIRL from the movie, Vanilla Sky, and the quotation, "She is the saddest girl to ever hold a martini.." was made especially for me...and it probably was...I probably was. After some reflection, I realized that a "pollyanna' was someone who denied the negative and only saw the positive. I did not do that. I see and accept the negative and am delighted in whatever positive there was. As a consequence, life, as it turns out is not as difficult for me. Dealing with detractors and doing what I love (including dressing how I want to dress) have not been hard for me either.
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