I know this sounds strange, but I’m trying to calm down my feigning nervousness that’s been eating away at my insides since this morning.
As you can probably tell with my idiotic frozen pose (note the strategic placement of my right arm), Crisco face, and medusa-like hair, I’m a definite n00bzors when it comes to the politics of posting on internet fashion communities.
In fact, after 3 years of remaining patiently behind the screen of my laptop, crooning over tons of style-related sites while simultaneously stuffing my face with handfuls of stale Honey Bunches and Oats cereal, I have oddly decided that TODAY I will finally quit hiding behind a paper bag and sell myself for (hopefully) the good graciousness and judgment of you haute couture kings and queens.
Sure, it’s merely the internet. Every millisecond some random thug babymama is posting a myspace picture of herself with a bright “period” red barely-there top squeezed between folds of blubber and exposed thong obviously from christmas… hoping to receive some signs of physical attention…
But here it’s solely about the rags that grace the body. Nothing else.
Anyways, (I tend to drone on.. as you can see) I attempted to piece this outfit together last minute in efforts to show up for a “supposedly” fun high-school reunion on the typical party-esque date of the 4th of July after a disgusting day at work.
Mind you, instead of anticipating for some stylish co-student contenders, I was only faced with a room filled with scantily clad bimbos and pocked faced thugs downing shots with some sort of “i’m 100% COOL approved” approach. Therefore 99.98% of my time was spent on the couch watching these “very mature” people and howling with laughter alongside of some chill folks that were actually on planet earth tonight.
In regards to fashion, there’s a stark difference between dressing party-sexy and party-whore, ladies and gentleman. My outfit may not have been close to the definition of sexy I was going for but I’m content with the night not ending up being stalked around by some low-Rocawear-pant idiot reeking of dirty genitals and a shitload of… AXE.
