A little story: when the South’s finest style setter, Ms. Pauline Thai, sent over her story to me last night at 2:00AM, I woke up my roommate because I was laughing so hard at the Weezy refernces (FYI: this post was originally titled “How to look like a young money millionaire without Lil Wayne as your beneficiary” but I guess it was a little too legit—and a lot too long—to fit). Sorry, Sarah.
And ‘cause I don’t write shit ‘cause I ’aint got time (lie), I’m going to pass today’s entry over to Pauline.
I know I wish I had a milli so I could look like a legitimate milli but I don’t and neither do most of you so here are some tips that might just help you take a step towards looking like a milli a milli a milli a milli.
1. Dress proportionally. If your clothes don’t make you look better than you do naked then what’s the point of wearing clothes? Pick a feature (note: ONE feature. you shouldn’t choose your boobs, back, ass, and legs unless you plan on strapping on 6 inch lucite heels and asking for the money when you’re through…[don’t be surprised, bitch!]) and pick clothes/styles that flaunt it. I have no T&A to flaunt and I’ve got a thing about looking stumpy so I ALWAYS dress to look tall. high waists, shorter sleeves/hemlines, and a fluid line from my leg to shoe help me with that, but it will not help my chances with Wayne cos I’m a bitch with no ass, I ain’t got shit… can I buy an ass with chic points? PLZ (editor’s note: I’ll run it by Helen just for you, shawty)?
2. If you’re going for oversized, make sure it’s not too overwhelming or wide. It’s the difference between a Hanes XL t-shirt and an American Apparel XL t-shirt. It’s that famous slim fit, ya’ll (I hope some of you get that AA/ya’ll reference so I don’t sound more embarrassingly Texan than I should). In The Carter, Wayne was all about this whole…swimming in his t-shirt thing, but he obviously grew older and wiser by The Carter 3 and started wearing slim cut shirts. This applies to ALMOST EVERYTHING.
3. Be careful with a lot of DIYs, they can either look obviously home made or really fantastic (usually, always fantastic in photos but weak in real life). When I cut a t-shirt I make sure to cut off all the sewn hems if I plan to leave the edges raw and pull them so they curl. It makes for an intentional look rather than an awkward, unfinished DIY. DETAILS, KIDS.
4. Tailored clothes look more expensive and classy than their sloppy counterparts. Don’t be afraid to get that DVF dress that’s on sale in a size too large, that’s what tailors are for. They can even tweak a few things astray from the original design to flatter your body even more. Just look at Lil Wayne in his tailored suit for the lollipop video. PURE. CLASS.
5. If it looks like something that could be easily attained by someone who lives in a trailer park, LEAVE IT ALONE. Even high end designers make mistakes. I’m looking at you, hot pink glitter patent louboutin platform peep toes. FASHION PATROL. Police protection.
6. Prints/embroidery/embellishments are difficult, they can look good from far away but when you get up close a lot of the time it looks a lot like what “WTF” would look like on Pictionary. Tasteful prints and embellishments will give you your run for your money, that crimes and misdemeanors tattoo print isn’t going to be cool forever (thanks for over killing it, Christian Audgier) but that dainty Etro sequin fish still appeals to me after 3(ish?) years. The purple and grey forever 21 print isn’t TOO painful but the diesel right beside it blows it out of the water. That’s what I call a good print.
7. Splurge on staple items. Forever 21 and H&M are the perfect places to get those of-the-moment clothes but it’s obvious that they won’t last you forever. Staple items like shoes, coats, jeans and cardigans are worth the splurge. Also make sure that they’re a classic style, or else you might/will kick yourself later for purchasing that pair of D&G sandals that say “sex” down the T strap in gold (note the $695 price tag).
8. Don’t wear something just because it’s in “style” or is by a high end designer. If the trend accentuates a physical trait that you’re not too fond of, leave it alone. Plus when you’re insecure about your outfit it really shows. Example: yes, blazers are in style. Yes, that is Alberta Ferretti. Yes, metallics are in style and that blazer is a SPARKLY METALLIC MATERIAL. Don’t try to turn some good things into one terrible bad thing.
9. ALRIGHT, last but not least. Say you see this amazingly well dressed person walking down the street. You’re scanning their outfit and everything is pristine and perfect… and then you see their shoes and you can TELL that pair is that persons’ favorite pair of shoes eeevvveeeerrrrr. I know those beat up black ballet flats or converse are comfortable and seem to go with pretty much everything but for the love of god please don’t destroy an outfit like that. For me, shoes make or break the outfit. WEAR GOOD LOOKING SHOES, it doesn’t matter if they are payless or Prada. as long as they look Prada and not payless… make sure you look like you get money like a mthrfckr.
10. Your swagger. Keep it right. The best (dresser) alive. Swagger right, check game tight.
Most of this seems to be common knowledge but I had fun digging in my mom’s closet, rofling at her old things, and making Wayne references that I hope most of you catch… whoever can catch all of them can have all my chic points.