Please check out the whole outfit post here!Last night, I drove into Stockholm to go to a movie premiere with my little sister Amanda. The film is called “Jag saknar dig” (“I miss you”) and is based on a book that was my favorite when I was twelve, so I had been looking forward to seeing it for the longest time.
The movie tagline is “How do you survive losing a part of yourself?” – a question that I have been trying to answer during these past eleven months.
In the movie, 14 year old Tina loses her identical twin sister Cilla in a car accident, and after a lifetime of being part of a twosome she’s suddenly left all alone, forced to try and find a way to go on with her life on her own. Let me just say this: I didn’t put on any makeup before I left the house. At least I know myself that well.
So – how do you survive losing a part of yourself? I have been asking myself that every second, every minute, every hour of every day for almost a year. And I still have no idea. I honestly don’t. I don’t even know for sure if I want to. But I’m working on it, I’m looking for reasons to live on and for ways to make it possible.
It wasn’t until halfway through the movie that I realized I was wearing a dress given to me by Fanny’s mom and a bag I inherited from her after she passed away. Maybe it means something. Maybe it doesn’t. But I remember too well the first time I saw that bag, when I opened the door and let her into the tiny apartment Ronnie and I were living in at the time; she was wearing her green coat and a knitted beret and those tan leather boots I gave her because they turned out to be half a size too small for me. I ooooh:ed and aaaah:ed her new bag and she showed me the gorgeous lining print inside.
Of course I remember it. I remember everything.
I HATE THAT I NOW OWN THIS BAG. I can’t even tell you how much I hate this godforsaken fact.