Recently (relatively so) I was promoted to manager at the store I work at and have, as a result lacked the sheer time to update. I haven’t lacked ideas, that’s for sure. I actually may have an overage of ideas. That’s why I end up overwhelmed in the chaos of my own mind.
I realized, in the past I was more the imaginative type that lacked motivation and kept stored up too much fear that even my overabundance of enthusiasm couldn’t surmount. I think I feared so many things, too many things that it became sufficient to day dream and almost a sort of secretive indulgence. I used to crawl under my bed as a child and almost be able to truly forget who and what I was. In my world I was a sort of teacher on a planet where colors that you cant imagine were the backdrop of regular everyday life. Every night in my world there would be this big bond fire out in the middle of nowhere but all the little animals and creatures were friendly and helpful. The mosquitoes didn’t bite they licked you clean of sweat instead. Me and all the animals and bugs and kids would gather around this fire with all the other lonely people who left earth and we would create music so beautiful only those making it could comprehend it’s intricacies. Once we found a musical path that enamored sufficiently we would sing at the top of our lungs while laughing and dancing with the whole of our souls until every ounce of our mortal limits were met. Then, I’d hear my mom call me to come do dishes or something of the like. I’d hesitantly crawl out from under my bed in a daze and go into the kitchen and pull a fork out of the soapy water. I’d look at this fork and realize that fork was in fact the first word my mind associated with it, but it seemed the more my mind said it the more it lost meaning. As my mind kept saying, “fork” over and over it was like the letters began to fly away and then not only did I forget the meaning of the word but as I was chanting it in my mind it would dissipate. I can’t explain exactly what would follow, but it went something like this, “Jess, you’ve been staring at that fork there for twenty minutes, clean the silly thing!” And then, like a flash I would realize I was again being pulled back into my world and would lose track of this stinking real one. When I got older I used to let that feeling of dreaming, keep me from really doing anything and I’d keep that world all to myself and never share the vibrancy of it with anyone. But it’s been more recently in life that I’ve made a ground breaking discovery. That I can make it real in one way or another. I can just be me and I don’t have to hide “me” under my bed in my own world. I can just be in this one and it doesn’t matter what anyone says or thinks! I know we hear that and say that but I’ve realized it on the inside that fear is only a misplaced need to be.
All that to say that I’m branching out more and more in life, I mean some of the things I’ve begun to do, I never thought I would have. I’m glad that I finally mustered the strength to just do whatever whether or not it succeeded, just to do it! Success? ehh, so relative. I love this community for that, its actually helped me a lot. But I won’t go on and on and on. I’ll let the picture do the rest.
Ad as always, these vintage Christian Dior Trousers shall be posted on etsy with in the coming week!!! So get read cause these are a real gem!