I was never very good at meditating. My house is a rather un-quiet place, and I’m just an impatient person. So the peaceful and far-away feeling promised by meditation has never been experienced by me. Far-away feelings, however, are no stranger to my brain.
I’m a thinker. I feel like that sounds really pretentious, but what else can you call it? I don’t claim to be a great on by any means, but a thinker I am. Sometimes my thoughts make me feel very in-tune with the world, and that’s usually when I feel most at peace. But more often, my thoughts are out of sync with the rest of the universe, spinning much to quickly for me to fully understand them for what they are, and filling my head with a faint, gauzy roar. An old therapist of mine called these “racing thoughts,” and race they did: all over, though often I would experience the racing feeling without any concrete thoughts to go along with it. It used to be that this sort of feeling would send me to a dark cupboard where I would sit and feel all sorts of neon monsters (as I named them as a child) pounding at my skull. I’m fairly certain the therapist thought I was hallucinating at that point, but I’m a very visual person, and “neon” was just the way I chose to convey “loud and bothersome” – not a vision, I promise.
Anyway. As in any decent story, I learned to keep the monsters at bay. I channel my racing thoughts, when I have them, into writing, singing, photography – anything I love that helps me towards peace, or at least a greater understanding of my swirling thoughts and emotion.
I apologise if this is a little more than you’re looking for in a fashion blog. But some of my goals, as a blogger and a human being, are to live without secrets or regrets, and to understand and tame the neon monsters.
tons more photos on my blog: