To my greatest love.

Updated on Jun 03, 2011
black vagabond shoes - black black sequin gift from my best friends mom dress
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accordingtoannika 's Thoughts:

I’m so glad I decided to wear this dress out to dinner tonight – and to be honest, I’m almost as glad that the sun sets so late during the Swedish summer nights! I didn’t have time to take photos before we left, and I really wanted to capture this look. I’ve e-mailed these photos to my best friend’s mom and hopefully she’ll see how grateful I am for this dress. Or more so, for the fact that she still thinks of me and cares about me.

I would like to share something with you. I’ve translated a piece I wrote last summer, as one of my weekly columns in a Swedish magazine. Before you read it, I just want you to know the story behind it.

A tuesday of January of 2010, Fanny called me. Nothing unusual about this, since we called eachother about ten times a day, whenever we couldn’t spend every waking hour together. But this particular time was special. In the worst possible way a phone call could be special.

I was sitting on my bed in the tiny sublet apartment I was soon going to move away from, the sun was shining, reflecting glitter cascades in the snow outside my window. And she told me that the doctors had found a tumour. That the pain in her right shoulder was not an infection, just like it wasn’t calcific tendinitis or anything else they had been stating – or, rather, guessing – during the last month. It was osteosarcoma. It was cancer.

The sun was still shining. I couldn’t believe it had the nerve to do so. But it did.

Six months of chemotherapy and radiation later, it was all over. No, not over. Fanny was still alive. But the doctors declared that they had done it all, and the tumour was still growing, faster and more aggressive than ever. There was nothing else to try, no miracle to hope for. We were going to lose her. In every way that mattered, it was over.

Only a handful of people even knew that Fanny was sick. She didn’t want people to worry, she didn’t want their pity. She didn’t want to say goodbye.
All she wanted was to spend the time she still had left with the people she loved, the ones she knew loved her more than anything.

And I was so, so alone in all of this. Every week I had to write a column about my life, my thoughts, my feelings. And I couldn’t write one word about the only thing on my mind, the only thing that mattered to me. The one thing that was tearing me apart, ripping my very being into pieces. Every word I wrote felt like a lie, a damn joke.

I couldn’t stand it any longer. I had to write something that was true. So I wrote this. It’s not a column, it’s a letter. A way to say all that was on my mind, without letting anyone know what was really going on. A way to tell the truth while keeping her secret safe.

When I wrote this, in my bed in our beautiful house that I had barely even noticed I was suddenly living in, I didn’t know if Fanny would still be with us when it was published. All I was praying for in that moment was that I would get to keep her. That was all I ever prayed for.

Read the whole story here.

Comments (86)

ohsoladylike
ohsoladylike on August 11
I think if this post says anything its says that we are human. And part of being human is not just to survive but to live and to feel. You friend Fanny is strong and an inspiration. This was a really moving piece and you are obviously someone who feels deeply. Best wishes to you both.
Ashley_Bliss
Ashley_Bliss on July 24
Love. It.
lilyfm
lilyfm on July 22
gorgeous!
virgosheart
virgosheart on July 16
Very pretty!
mare_santos
mare_santos on July 08
cool chic pretty!!!
Nvrwearthatagain
Nvrwearthatagain on July 04
my best wishes for fanny and i love this outfit
ghilliegreen
ghilliegreen on June 30
C H I C ! ! !
danemaria
danemaria on June 25
so simple but stunning!
flexilexi
flexilexi on June 19
wow...you look so great!i really wouldn't have thought of wearing boots with this dress. ..and even the photos are beautiful. . . And just so you know, you're not alone :) she's still with you...
mar88
mar88 on June 15
Hi, I am a member of the cosmo magazine, cosmo is doing promotion of the online magazine for free you can subscribe here: http://lovevee.com/user/cosmomagazine Welcome
thebedhairmaid
thebedhairmaid on June 14
no doubt of how stunning you look Anika, I would like to tell you that your letter was so beautiful. This is such a special dress and you fit it awesomely. Be strong, cause you are not alone.
madeleinek
madeleinek on June 08
cool outfit!
nimroo
nimroo on June 07
awsome dress
TheLittleQuirks
TheLittleQuirks on June 06
so pretty! what camera do you use?
ohsoladylike
ohsoladylike on June 06
great look - and awesome photos!
hharlequin
hharlequin on June 06
gorgeous!!!
HEYKaren
HEYKaren on June 06
what a glamorous outfit. you look great in this!
iconick
iconick on June 06
nice.
ladyalamode
ladyalamode on June 06
so so pretty
Ellia
Ellia on June 06
Gorgeous dress! This looks so dramatic.
white_MiX
white_MiX on June 06
woo
nanaetzola
nanaetzola on June 06
i love it !
goddesss
goddesss on June 06
you're a goddess! :)
vernice
vernice on June 06
pretty :D
_Antonia
_Antonia on June 06
lovely!
topro
topro on June 06
Thats a great easy and fun look for evening, love the flats.
Virgit
Virgit on June 06
love it u look like an angel
effervescentevelina
effervescentevelina on June 06
Wow - these photographs are beautiful! The dress is gorgeous - and I think the meaning and personal feelings you have with it really touched me.
corkymac
corkymac on June 05
LOVE THIS!
TupacTupacxo
TupacTupacxo on June 05
That dress is simply stunning.
GracefulleeMade
GracefulleeMade on June 05
You look simply BEAUTIFUL in this sequined dress! love it so much :)
bettymyla
bettymyla on June 05
beautiful!
maryiangge
maryiangge on June 05
awesome!
agatbr
agatbr on June 05
beautiful! following :)
katslovefashion
katslovefashion on June 05
wow! gorgeous dress! :)
aminta
aminta on June 05
You are stunning!! I was so happy to see you at the home page ....
CAR0LiNE1234
CAR0LiNE1234 on June 05
Wow, these photos are absolutely gorgeous! Also, I'm very sorry about Franny.
OpeningMyMind
OpeningMyMind on June 05
I like the dress, just in my case, I would have picked different shoes >.<
SweetnSassy
SweetnSassy on June 05
Beautiful dress!
KingstonAtitud
KingstonAtitud on June 05
The dress is gorgeous, the socks are nice...
Stelouche
Stelouche on June 05
I love this dress! x
rejoy91
rejoy91 on June 05
I've cried when i readed that. You really are amazing. I couldn't pick myself up if something like that happened to anyone i love!
neradad
neradad on June 05
Very lovely!
katiecosette
katiecosette on June 05
gorgeous dress! +1
pandaroo
pandaroo on June 05
This is such a beautiful dress!
kayley21
kayley21 on June 05
I love the sequins!
StilettosDiaperBags
StilettosDiaperBags on June 05
beautiful dress!
editorspicks
editorspicks on June 05
Hi, you've been selected as our Home Page feature. Congratulations! You've also earned 500 Chic Points. Thank you so much for your amazing style and creative blog post!
annacastro
annacastro on June 05
Love the dress!
victoriamarmalade
victoriamarmalade on June 05
Stunning.x
FannieFlo
FannieFlo on June 04
how lovely words you wrote to her! I have to say I find really inspiring all the things you said to her, that is a true friendship :) what a really strong person I just find! P.S.: gorgeous dress!
AprilsAttic
AprilsAttic on June 04
amazing! +1
anonymours
anonymours on June 04
love love this dress
mis_grace
mis_grace on June 04
lace socks, red lippy, sparkly party dress. nothing could honour your friend in a better way, other than the beautiful piece of writing that captures perfectly that awful feeling. you're a beautiful being xo
s2dphantom
s2dphantom on June 04
your story is so touching! and the dress is also a stunner :)
jumpingjellybean
jumpingjellybean on June 04
wow, so old hollywood gorgeous!
immadi
immadi on June 04
stunning dress
bkgurl33
bkgurl33 on June 04
gorgeous
hellovickyz
hellovickyz on June 04
Love the dress and the shoot
Mimi_Walker
Mimi_Walker on June 04
beautiful dress ..beautiful background
suzie_sweet
suzie_sweet on June 04
tres chic!
ZaneZanite
ZaneZanite on June 04
your dress is gorgeous. and thank you for sharing the story on the sidebar..
Annachiara
Annachiara on June 04
wow,beautifull always my darling!!!!
dangerface
dangerface on June 04
i really think that your dress/oxford combination is killer, i do. but what really touches me is your description in the sidebar, and i'm surprised more people aren't commenting on it. it takes a lot of nerve to share something so personal, and as a person who has an immediate family member with cancer, your words really hit close to home. thank you. beautiful.
starvingrobins
starvingrobins on June 04
Gorgeous! I specially love the boot and lace socks combination!
pure_win
pure_win on June 04
woww..a very cool boots !! love it so muchooo >______________< stunning and sparkling dress =D +1 xoxo
hazhench
hazhench on June 04
nice! :)
PSYCHO4FUNK
PSYCHO4FUNK on June 04
adore this, fabulous!! :)
_SERENITY_
_SERENITY_ on June 04
you're a STYLE ICON, dear!! GONGRATS!!!<33 xx
kleopati
kleopati on June 04
Beautiful photos !!! You look amazing !!! Shine like a star
lemuria
lemuria on June 04
in LOVE with this dress
Beeswonderland
Beeswonderland on June 04
Ohhhh amazing!Love the dress but more how it fits you!;)
stellapnp
stellapnp on June 04
STUNNING!! amazing!!
Hardeep
Hardeep on June 04
Ohhhhhh emmm gee this is amazing, everything just perfect n beaut x love it
xenii
xenii on June 04
amazing amazing amazinggggg dress :) xoxo
msAlexandra
msAlexandra on June 04
you look absolutely beautiful, love the dress!
_SERENITY_
_SERENITY_ on June 04
that dress looks amazing on you, dear!!! gorgeous boots and pretty romantic lace socks mix too! the second picture is AMAZING! my favourite!<3333
Lindseytweeters
Lindseytweeters on June 03
sequins are so amazing!
maymaylove
maymaylove on June 03
stunning
mariehamm
mariehamm on June 03
GORGEOUS.
deekaywang
deekaywang on June 03
love the black sequins:)
mochaccinoland
mochaccinoland on June 03
love your photos!! they are always so beautiful!!! this is a very touching post. sorry that u have lost someone so dear. my condolences. and thanks for sharing.
KaylaMeow
KaylaMeow on June 03
you look amazing.
afashionado
afashionado on June 03
I love this dress!
pandaphilia
pandaphilia on June 03
lovely light! you make sequins look classy. i admire your writing and photography skills so much! i'm sorry about your pain. it's good to share to let it all out!
tauyanm
tauyanm on June 03
fierce sexy outfit dear!! great matching shoes as well!! xx
accordingtoannika
accordingtoannika on June 03
Aaw, thank you so much! <3
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