“Juicy” feels like one of those adjectives that I’d use to describe nouns that aren’t literally juicy. But let me say – I’m a huge fan of using adjectives of all sorts, often in ways that wouldn’t seem fitting. I can’t even convey how wonderful this summer, and the year of 2010 for that matter, has been. The satisfaction I get out of it is comparable to the juiciness of my favorite fruits (strawberries, as of right now!). While I’m experiencing whatever comes my way, I realize that I should savor it while I can, so I do. And when time has been consumed, I find myself yearning for more, yet allowing myself to keep such memories alive in my mind without dwelling on them.
That’s a problem I’ve had in the past, and I’m still struggling with it. Way too frequently I look back on events that happened a month, a year, a few years ago… Inevitably, people change, as does their availability. Sometimes I encounter an abundance of friends – the kind that will go on adventures I suggest and then some, but they often drift away as summer fades. I’ve spent minimal time in my typical lounge wear this summer, which is something I’m proud of since I feel that I’m relatively prone to depression when I spend too much time in my house without the company of others. As independent as I am, there’s a certain void that can only be filled by the outsiders – my friends.
I’ve been hurt this summer. But the positives outweigh the negatives greatly, and I know that I’ll look back on this summer fondly. But I won’t dwell on it. I’ve grown mentally and emotionally – I feel more confident in myself, even when it comes to interacting with others. I have difficulty with interpersonal relationships, and much of what I’ve gone through this summer has taught me about myself as well as others.
I’ve abandoned my pale skin for accidental sunburn which has turned into a subtle tan. I’ve abandoned my insecurity for chances, opportunities of all sorts. Attending summer classes on full scholarship at the University of the Arts was a little stressful and lonely at times, but I don’t regret a second of it. I’ve allowed myself to indulge in fun – numerous adventures, trips to the beach, getting lost on the way home…
Sometimes I dwell to the point of preventing myself from enjoying the present. However, most of this year, I’ve been taking life as it comes and taking the good and bad as learning experiences. I still have some trouble immersing myself in the immediate present, but I’ve learned to enjoy the juiciness that life presents, even if it’s not a perfectly-ripe-June strawberry. It might be a crisp autumn apple, or a bite of a clementine during winter. The taste might not be exactly the same, but there’s so much to appreciate all the time. And the only way time can go to waste is by refusing to enjoy it.
For more posts by me, visit my blog, Silhouette Girl.
PS This entry is a little personal for me. It hasn’t been the easiest to write. All I can say is that if you read this all, I’m very appreciative.