I’m a little too depressed lately and I don’t think my hormones have anything to do with it. I hate it when I have the blues. Don’t you have those days when you just feel like, well, you suck? If you don’t, good for you! If you do, join me as I wallow in my pool of sadness.
I think this feeling started when I saw my design for a certain something that was shot like a month ago for the first time this week. Why oh why did I just see this design now? I just hate how every time there’s an important something in my life, I’m always either abroad or unavailable. This happens ALL the time btw. I’ve actually missed a handful of features and other opportunities because of this, and they’re usually the best ones. :( Just my luck I guess. This is also the reason why I was not able to check how my design turned out before it was sent off to the shoot. I was already abroad before my design finished production. Hate hate hate. It’s too late now. Imagine my horror when I finally got to see it this week. My sewer must’ve gotten confused. It was totally different from what I told her to do. My sister tried comforting me by saying that it wasn’t bad looking at all, she said it’s actually nice, maybe it just didn’t reach my expectations. Well, let me tell you this, it was faaaaaar from what I expected, like North Pole far. So after that wonderful day, I think everything just came crashing down. All sorts of feelings came rushing in. Insecurities about anything and everything slowly crept in and took over what was left of me. Believe me when I say “anything and everything,” from physical to mental and all sorts of insecurities. Insecurities are such monsters.
Anyway, I’m sorry if I sound like I’m dissatisfied or ungrateful for what I have, it’s really not like that. I’m grateful for what I have, but just this once, allow me to sulk and whine (given a choice, I don’t want to use the word “whine”, but most people would probably call this whining. And since I’m too depressed to argue, whining it is) I believe everyone is allowed to feel this way once in a while or at least be honest enough to admit they have insecurities. I think everyone fights with his/her insecurities everyday, it’s just that some days we win the battle, and other days (like these) we lose. I mean we’re only human right? There will always be bad days, no matter how much you try to focus on the positive. I just hope I win soon. I really don’t like feeling this way. Depression is so unproductive.