I just wanted to thank you today for hanging out with me on this blog. Whether you are new or have been hanging out for a while, the fact that you even come here ever is mind boggling. I was talking to my sister about it yesterday and she was like “I can’t believe people just go to see what you are wearing each day” and I said that I like to see what they are wearing too. We all do it and check each other out, like a massive network of girl crushes. Soft core porn for the fashionable. It sounds pretty weird actually, but when you really start thinking about it, Why Are we so interested? Why are we compulsively photographing our outfits and sharing them? IS it a form of artistic expression (like I think It is) or social validation, or a way to connect and make friends, or something else? Some people are very focused on making a living by blogging. I guess that would be the ultimate reward right? Be yourself, Show yourself, Tell your thoughts and people will listen and because they listen brands will pay you to tell the people about them. I think I feel like I am a part of a tribe or something too. Like a club or full on subculture. and we are all progressing together, changing and evolving through inspiration and. . . competition maybe? I don’t feel like I am competing anyway, because there is no finish line is there? No. There are just numbers that climb, but those who started the race first will always be ahead, and those who start later can catch up I guess, but without a finish line no one ever wins. What are we doing? I am sure its a different answer for everyone. WHY am I doing this? Because I love it. Why do I love to do this? That is the question. I have met some really great people. I have been humbled and inspired. I have opened quite a few doors, built quite a few bridges. But what truly gives me joy? Having a place to ask these questions? Maybe. Is it for the External Validation? “Ya, you are 30 and a married and a mom and you live in the sticks and you are still cool.” Is that what I am really asking for proof of? If so, why do I need proof? When Things feel really exciting to me, why are they exciting? Is the answer, “I have been noticed, people noticed me. I am not anonymous in this world. If I disappeared, people will know I am gone.” Is this a basic drive in the human instinct? Leave a mark on the world? Since we have knowledge of our mortality, is it then instinctually important to us to ensure our survival, not only through our DNA by having children, but in the hearts and minds of those who survive us? And as many as we possibly can? Does reaching out and connecting with people create extensions of our “personhood” or “Souls”? Is a memory enough to make a person immortal? And once you are dead, why would you even care about the mark you left? And is this even about death or doing something while I am alive? Wait a minute. Where were we?
Bla bla bla. You don’t have to answer any of this or even read it. Just blabbering off. Diarrhea of the mind. WAIT!! Did I just write that so that in case you think this is all crazy talk, I can pretend to devalue it so that you can see I am not so serious? Shit. Do I care what you think? Dangit. Its a circle.
