How To Save A Life

Updated on Dec 16, 2009
white Glitterati blouse - black Glitterati skirt - black Zoo Shop shoes - black
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joannaladrido 's thoughts:

I feel like so much has happened since my last post… I don’t even know where to begin or how to fully express the grief that has come upon us. Everything seems so gray lately… nothing makes sense… nothing seems to be beautiful… there’s nothing to celebrate despite the fact that the holidays are looming and all…somehow I feel as though a big chunk was sucked out from me and that things will never be the same again. In one quick snap of a finger, life as I knew it changed and took a tragic turn. Yesterday I wasn’t so sure if I wanted to say it out loud cause I was hoping that maybe not saying it would make it all disappear as if it was a bad dream. But then, I closed my eyes and when I woke up, everything was still the same… I don’t know what to say really…But here’s a try…

STAGE 1: DENIAL

I have this thing where when I feel down or when I have a big problem I want to write out or forget even just for a few hours, I scan through everything I own and wear the most extravagant thing I could possibly mix up. I picked an outfit inspired by Balmain for such occasion. I guess being dressed up and all fixed up makes it seem to the world that the last thing on your mind are your problems. We usually equate stress and grief with eye bags, gray skin and lack of willpower to make an effort to look presentable. People don’t really ask people who bothered to mix ‘n match, why they looked haggard and depressed. No one asks how you are doing, no one does that sympathy pat on the back which really makes me breakdown more than provide comfort during times I am about to burst into tears. Putting your normal everyday face on… makes the world think you’re okay, and for at least a few hours, you fool yourself to thinking that everything really is. You go on with your activities cause you’ve successfully fooled yourself to thinking it was just another day. Until you remove everything and you realize it really isn’t.

The saddest moments are whenever I wake up and whenever I’m about to sleep.

A very close and a very dear guy friend of mine passed away just the day before yesterday at around this time (3:00 AM)… but it wasn’t from a lingering illness where he was deteriorating slowly or a tragic accident…It was from too much problems all at the same time flooding over his life that he just couldn’t handle it anymore… and so he gave up and took his own life. A few minutes before he decided to put an end to his suffering, he texted his nearest and dearest friends, myself included, everything he needed us to know, like why he did what he was going to do. He said this thanks to everyone but at the end of the day, the harsh realities of this cruel world we live got the best of him. He didn’t care if no one understood him…as long as those who mattered to him…his ‘people’ knew the truth. He didn’t even have anyone try to stop him. He was 23 years old.

It all happened so fast.

I don’t know how I would ever come to accept this as a reality and as a truth.
I’m not sure I even believe it yet.

When will the pain go away, can somebody tell me?

Note: I am very sorry for the depressing and melodramatic entry…I’m just so all over the place right now… He was a really really good friend… and to say that I am in a state of shock because of his passing would be an understatement. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT!

COMMENTS (40)

dohnatella
dohnatella on August 31
powerful shoes! love the studs!
priscilapeach
priscilapeach on May 05
amazing skirt
bjkdAnc3r
bjkdAnc3r on March 17
LOVE your top!
Lailaox
Lailaox on January 16
photography is cool! skirt and bag are amazing
g_vasques
g_vasques on January 09
i just loved everything *-*
Mimi_Label
Mimi_Label on December 23
so chic!! great style..
inKARLcerating
inKARLcerating on December 21
jl, this is really sad.. if only we can take them away for u.. i really hate death..
nylam_yeahs
nylam_yeahs on December 21
love the skirt.lovely mix n match
JerriMortis
JerriMortis on December 21
ADORE!
districtofchic
districtofchic on December 18
I am such a fan of that Balmain-y skirt. And I hope you're doing ok. It's so hard to cope with the lose of a loved one, but even harder when they go when you least expect it and so young, too. Uggh, that's so sad. All you can do is try to remember the happier times.
jessy_H
jessy_H on December 17
BIG HUG SWEETIE. my condolences as well. I've lost a few loved ones as well and it ain't easy. I've seen him in photos and must I say i've always seen him as a fun person. everything will be alright...hang on tight. continue looking gorgeous as ever :)
kellynsung
kellynsung on December 17
love the whole outfit dearr:) i esp love the top n skirt:) thyre gorgeous! btw, i hv similar shoes like urs:) balamin looalikee:)
silvii_tron
silvii_tron on December 17
big virtual hug - healing takes time and really - there's no rush. As long as you have a good group of friends with you to cry, hug, talk, yell, and laugh with - they will help you through. Also - there's no sin in crying - it's a natural human emotion and you are pretty much granted as much crying time as you need. Your outfit is gorgeous and you look lovely (^_^)
SarahJaneR
SarahJaneR on December 17
loss is very hard to deal with, especially when it's someone very close to you. i can empathize with you because i lost someone close to me in a similar way. at first, it hurts like hell, like someone just took a knife from ur heart, but as you begin to accept it, it gets easier to deal with. celebrate his life, dont mourn his death. my condolences and i do want to say u look fab!
jos
jos on December 17
omg!!! i sooo need the skirt u wearing!! u look stunning on this baby!!
ShuErn
ShuErn on December 17
It's hard to cope with the loss. I swear it never goes away but we know that they will always be with us deep down inside. Hope you feel better soon. You still look gorgeous tho. <3
colormenana
colormenana on December 16
AMazing skirt!
iamdenie
iamdenie on December 16
My deepest condolence, JL. I know how hard it is to lose a friend especially if he/she has been very close to your heart. Cheer up! Btw, love the outfit.
joannaladrido
joannaladrido on December 17
thanks dear! it is so hard talaga :( i know i'll be better in time but there'll always be something missing :)
naissacarmona
naissacarmona on December 16
it's been really hard to accept what happened but i know how harder it is for you guys.. everytime i think about macky, i remember a fun, loving guy and i cant understand why this had to happen.. it's really heartbreaking.. hang in there j.. anyway, love the outfit.. and you got really thinner!! did you stop eating again?? haha kidding! see you around:)
joannaladrido
joannaladrido on December 17
hey nai! i havent had an appetite since i found out what happened to macky :( as in i have to really force myself to eat cause i'm too sad to even exert effort in chewing :( haay i'll go to lyca's later :) hope to see u there babe! miss u!
vyap
vyap on December 16
oh my.. i'm so sorry about your friend. it sucks when someone you know and love dearly is gone. but you look fab. :)
joannaladrido
joannaladrido on December 17
thanks dearest! it does suck big time :( sigh!
giannedilay
giannedilay on December 16
I LOVE the skirt sooo much. pls make one for me
joannaladrido
joannaladrido on December 17
hey gianne! thanks so much for the sympathy! super needed it :) as for the skirt i can make one for u siguro it'll be ready na after christmas :D
giannedilay
giannedilay on December 16
I literally cried when i read your post. JL thats so sad. Condolence. btw, pleeeeease make one for me.
joannaladrido
joannaladrido on December 17
hey gianne! thanks so much for the sympathy! super needed it :) as for the skirt i can make one for u siguro it'll be ready na after christmas :D
regerafael
regerafael on December 16
condolence. i love the lace top!
Jai
Jai on December 16
I'm sorry for your loss. Your outfit is great.
Kaie
Kaie on December 16
my deepest condolences.. that's tragic.. loving the top so much. =)
joannaladrido
joannaladrido on December 16
Thanks so much! :(
patriciaprieto
patriciaprieto on December 16
I couldn't believe what happened when Enzo told me all about it. I didn't know Macky that long, but from the short span of time that I knew him he was a really nice guy :( I just hope you feel better babe, I'm just here if you need anythng :( But on a lighter note: Gorgeous outfit, babe!
joannaladrido
joannaladrido on December 16
i know babe! ultimately its so sad :( how he could he have given up when so much friends are still around and love him... :( sigh! when are u guys visiting?
summerromance
summerromance on December 16
I'm so sorry for your loss... anyways, I will forever love that skirt and wish you still have stock of the black sleeveless version of your top..
joannaladrido
joannaladrido on December 16
Thanks dearest! Will try to have one especially for u :)
TheUrbanFashionGal
TheUrbanFashionGal on December 16
Love the skirt and bag, great outfit! -theurbanfashiongal.com
joannaladrido
joannaladrido on December 16
Thanks so much!
fierce_glamour
fierce_glamour on December 16
love allthis sparkle!! great outfit!
BethanyD
BethanyD on December 16
Beautiful blouse, skirt, and shoes!
lissakahayon
lissakahayon on December 16
I miss Macky :( Last night, I went to the wake and Ice and I kept on crying coz we recounted all our memories of Macky. He was a suuuper nice guy. :( Anyway, i love the lace top jl. See you soon!
joannaladrido
joannaladrido on December 16
Hey Lissa! I know! He was always there for us lang... in puerto, in tali or in random nights out. I can't believe he's gone! :( Let's all get together soon to celebrate his life babe :) Sigh. Are u going to lyca's?
MissRoLL
MissRoLL on December 16
i love this!!! everything looks stunning on u ^^
bentrance
bentrance on December 16
This skirt is gorgeous... I'm so sorry for your loss, the pain will go away advantually with time...trust me, you need to be strong :)
joannaladrido
joannaladrido on December 17
i do hope so dear :) and i am trying my best to be strong..im sure he wouldve wanted us to be happy :D
FashionDIY
FashionDIY on December 16
love it!!!
orsola
orsola on December 16
i'm so sorry to hear about the loss jl. i can imagine the pain will last long but you need to find the strength to feel better. your friend wouldn't probably want to see you in this mood. lots of hugs and love. about the outfit:AMAZING! i especially love the top
joannaladrido
joannaladrido on December 16
Thanks dearest! I know it's just so sad...we were just with him for the last time last friday i cant accept that he's gone!
_SERENITY_
_SERENITY_ on December 16
omg, girl, you look just AWESOME!!!!! super chic and sexy!! l just felt in love with your purse!! gorgeous! my vote
janiey
janiey on December 16
so sorry about your loss =( you still look fabulous though. chin up, love<3.
emilielielie
emilielielie on December 16
i ADORE your skirt!!!!!
JeSuisRosa
JeSuisRosa on December 16
love the skirt! :)
libys11
libys11 on December 16
omg.. im so sorry to hear this, jl.. :( i guess it doesn't go away that fast, the feeling i mean.. it helps to write down things that you feel and think about. i hope you feel better.. *hugs* if it makes you feel a bit better, you look stunning in this outfit!! very glitz and glamour.. :)
joannaladrido
joannaladrido on December 16
thanks! i know... it just saddens me that someone who had so much life in him gave up. I can't believe he could ever even do that to himself :( Thanks for the nice compliments dear :D
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