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Me and my current boyfriend were really good friends for a year before we started dating. I think the only reason it worked out with us is because we slowly turned into a couple. It took like 4 monthes for us to realize that we were actually dating.posted almost 5 years ago
Would I? Yes. I’ve been with my partner for three years so far and we were very close friends for a couple of years before becoming a couple. He had had feelings for me all along but mine took longer to develop, or I took longer to admit them. I was worried about the future of our friendship if things didn’t work out, as well as about changing the dynamic of our friendship circle. We have a lot of very close mutual friends. At the time he was living with three of them. We also worked together running the same organisation (along with two of his flatmates) and I had some management powers over everyone at his level. Although there were no rules preventing colleagues being involved, I was concerned about conflicts of interest, the perception of favouritism, etc. It got to the point where we spent so much time together, were so attuned to each other, so compatible and so clearly mutually attracted that the only differences between our friendship and a relationship were that we still maintained that it was a friendship and we never acted on the sexual chemistry. By then, I had left my post and the prospect of never being with him seemed much worse than the consequences if anything went wrong.
One day, we started kissing and we’ve never looked back. Our relationship is incredible and has surpassed any expectations I could have had. I can safely say I have never felt love like this for – or from – anyone. We started planning moving in together after three months, moved in after ten (speed not necessarily recommended, but it made sense for us), and are very happily cohabiting. We plan to get married when my boyfriend finishes his PhD and we have a bit more in terms of disposable income (a couple of years). None of this has surprised any of our friends.
Should you? I have a lot of close male friends and this question has come up – albeit in different forms and with different levels of urgency and curiosity – with most of them at some stage. I have never risked any of those friendships by acting on that because I could never see a future that was better than the existing friendship. It might have been great temporarily, but I don’t think there was enough there with any of them for it to be great long-term or even to be a substantial relationship. Not everyone with whom you have chemistry will make a good partner for you. I would be wary about endangering a friendship for anything less than that, even if you’re not looking for a long-term relationship. No one can be certain about anything before they do it, but I think at least feeling resolute about it is a pre-requisite. It’s difficult (though not impossible) to rebuild a friendship after taking it further and then splitting up, especially if the decision to break up isn’t mutual. Using myself as an example, by the time my partner and I got together, I had no doubts about the feelings we shared for each other. Acting on them felt completely natural and right.
I will say that I was 23 when we started going out, had been around the block a few times and knew the difference between what I was feeling and a close friendship with chemistry but not passion. It’s normal to be attracted to a close friend of whatever gender you find attractive. You might be very intimate and confidential. Things between you might also be quite tactile and flirty. Those things can be parts of a great friendship and don’t mean the friendship would make a good relationship. Often, if that’s going to happen, it will already be in the process of happening without the need to analyse whether the friendship is “more”. Even my partner, who used to be chronically shy, found ways to articulate and pursue what we both knew was going on (although the less mature someone is, the harder this is – I’m not sure of yours/your friend’s ages, etc).posted over 4 years ago
I met my husband when we were 16 and were best friends, I mean really best friends. we went to concerts all the time together. talked on the phone all the time. knew how to make the other one laugh. had tons of inside jokes. we were both so crazy and lovers of music (and still are).
We started dating when we were 19 and dated little under a year and then went separate ways. At this time, it was very difficult and very painful, because I felt like I lost my best friend. and I did for a long time. We didn’t speak for years, and only saw each other once (he moved to Colorado and said it wouldn’t have been right if he left Texas without saying bye) We both went off to college, he never dated anyone in the few years we were a part, but I did my fair of exploring.
Fast forward, and we have been married for one year! I think if the guy is truly your best friend, and gets you like no one else ever has (besides your gal friends because those are different and important in other ways) and makes you laugh, I think it is totally worth the risk. I feel so blessed to have married my best friend! we get along so well and have so much fun together!posted over 4 years ago