Forum
SEARCH FORUM:
Facebook
Twitter
Googleplus
alison_lee
Style_council
alison_lee
posts: 68

okay so I just started freshman year. Recently I’ve been texting a really hot guy named joey and I really think he’s into me. The problem is, he’s a senior. On the other hand, the guy my annoying friends have been pushing me to date finally asked me out earlier today. He’s my age and really cool, but we are good friends and it would be kinda like dating my brother. I like the senior, josh, but at my school it would be considered slutty to go out with a senior because of how drama-y and small and hick-ish my school is. Plus I heard senior guys only want in your pants. I’ve never really been in a real relationship before and I need advice! Please help me!

posted almost 4 years ago
IndigoWhisper
Style_council
IndigoWhisper
posts: 129

Well, if you like the guy. Go out with him. Going out is fun. Especially in the few first couple of months. I used to date older guys too, but that never bothered me. I now realize that all my "friends " and people at my former school were unbelievably jealous. No it is not to be considered "slutty"I think that if you are mature enough please do go out with him. Just keep it cool, and it’s not like you have to tell everyone, that would probably make you immature. Just do it, and let’s se what develops. Good luck!

posted almost 4 years ago
 
PeachyPanda
Style_council
PeachyPanda
posts: 789

Go out on a date with the senior. People will always talk b/c they are jealous, not just in high school but in life in general. So don’t let dumb people hold you back. Take a chance, go out with Joey and see if you both are truly interested in one another. Just conduct yourself wisely, don’t let him pressure you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. If he does, he’s an ass and undeserving of you.

posted almost 4 years ago
 
FrivolousDistinction
Style_council
FrivolousDis...
posts: 111

Don’t feel obligated to go out with Like-A-Brother Guy (or anyone, for that matter) because he asked you. When you ask someone out, you accept that there’s a risk they might say no, which they have a right to do. Neither should you feel obligated because your friends like the idea. Sometimes friends want you to go out with someone you’re not 100% sure of because you’re genuinely compatible with them, they see something you don’t, and it could be something amazing. (Usually, and I don’t mean to be patronising, successful set-ups like that don’t happen until you’re older and more perceptive about what your friends both need from and can give to a relationship. If by some chance they are right, it will wait until you’re ready for it.) More often than not, someone in a group of friends has unrequited feelings for someone else, which everybody leaps on because they want that person’s feelings to be returned, the possibility of romance between two friends in their group, even just the drama and excitement to liven life up a bit, not because that relationship would actually be a good one. This results in a lot of pressure on one person to feel something they don’t, and trying to develop those feelings is inevitably (a) unsuccessful and (b) unfair to everyone involved. Basically, your friends need to butt out. They probably won’t be able to resist, though, so you’ll need to work on trying not to let them pressure you.

Josh seems to be the guy that you actually have feelings for, which is a good start. However, you just mentioned that you’ve been texting each other. Texting is a great way of showing someone you like them and gauging whether they like you without putting yourself on the line too much, but it’s also a great way of being evasive, non-committal and misleading someone. Until this guy gives you more definite signals that he’s into you (like asking you out), try not to get too invested in it. He may just see the texts as harmless flirting that he has no intention of taking further, especially as it sounds like taking it further might be breaking some kind of social taboo at your school (or maybe that’s more the case for you than him, and he’d be seen as some kind of stud?)

If you do end up going out with him, communicate with him about what your boundaries are. The mere fact that he’s older doesn’t automatically mean he’ll try to coerce you into sex. Some guys will, but that’s not an age or experience thing, it’s an idiot thing. Others prefer things to happen mutually and might want to take things slowly, for their own sakes as well as yours. If this guy is worth your time and energy, he’ll respect your wishes and whatever pace you decide is right for you. This may sound obvious, but agreeing to go out with someone doesn’t mean you also agree to have any kind of sexual contact with them, regardless of how much older or more experienced they may be. It just means you agree to have a cup of coffee, or see a movie, or whatever. Even if you’ve been going out with someone for a while, at no point do you have to tolerate or give in to any pressure to do anything you’re not comfortable with.

posted almost 4 years ago
 
boredstephanie
Style_council
boredstephanie
posts: 1309

You can’t stereotype all seniors to just wanna get in your pants lol xD But seriously, don’t date someone you don’t have feelings for just because your friends want you to, thats stupid. Also, if things don’t go well you might’ve just lost a good friend. OR at the very least, made things awkward between you and your friend for awhile. Since you like this Josh guy, give him a chance and if it turns out hes a douchebag he really just wants sex then dump him. I don’t know why its considered slutty to date someone older…hes not even that much older. It’s your first relationship so don’t get physically intimate too quickly. Let him know hes got to take it slow if he respects you.

posted almost 4 years ago
 
MurasakiNeko
Style_council
MurasakiNeko
posts: 1057

^FrivolousDistinction’s advice is awesome.

Go with the guy you really have the romantic feelings for. It seldom works out to date someone who feels like a brother. There’s no passion and you won’t be as happy, and in a way you’d be lying to the guy, too.

As for dating the senior guy, the age difference is really not that big of a deal. Either he won’t end up dating you, so problem solved, or it won’t matter to him that you’re younger and you can have a relationship without worrying about what people say.

Yes, some older boys are more experienced, and often want more physical stuff and faster in the relationship. However, that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to do it! (And guys usually know this, but sometimes they’re hoping that because you’re younger maybe you’re easier to pressure). It’s your right to set the boundaries about what you are comfortable with. And if he won’t accept them, ditch his ass because he’s NOT worth it. But it may not even be a problem, so just talk to him about it and see how he respects your decisions. You may be happily surprised!

Good luck and take care!

posted almost 4 years ago
 
MiuSan
Style_council
MiuSan
posts: 464

Well,

He might just want in your pants. But guys aren’t rly that good in hiding it, so you’ll find out soon enough if that’s the case.

Moreover I’m getting the vibe this isn’t rly about the guys, but more about your worry over how others might feel!

Dating a guy just cause he is your age is equally dumb than not dating a guy cause he is older.

All in all seems like your getting some very unnecessary pressure on this thing!
Just take your time, and why decide now? Go on 2 dates if you must ;)

posted almost 4 years ago
REPLY TO DISCUSSION

related topics

Please log in. Don't have an account? Sign up here.
or login below
Username
Password