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arnyfull
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arnyfull
posts: 108

i really have a serious problem about saying no to friends…when i was still single it wasn’t a big deal since i just suck it up or didn’t mind it at all!! when my one of my girlfriends ask if she can have my new shoes i say yes without thinking twice! who wants to disappoint friends?!! but lately i end up arguing with my husband about changing plans at the last hour because of demanding friends..just like what happened last weekend..my hubby and i decided to hang out in a nearby casino and he invited my friend and her hubby to come along if they want…but few hours before our meeting time my girlfriend decided it would be fun to have dinner @ a train instead …to make the situation she made reservations right away..to make the situation worse..my hubby freaked out! didnt even want to go at all…he was so aggravated that i didnt protest or tried to stop her….in the end he compromised coz he loves me but he’s hoping it would never ever happen again…

i know that you can’t please everybody but i just can’t say no…i dont know why…

posted over 4 years ago
splashofcolour
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splashofcolour
posts: 1241

I know it can be hard to say no but sometimes you just have to. From what I gather of the situation, your husband has a right to moan and your friends are taking the absolute piss. It’s bad enough even asking to change plans at the last minute when a group of people are involved, but to actually change the plans and then just expect you to go with it is unacceptable. You need to put your foot down and say you’re not going to turn up if it happens again, then maybe your friends will take the hint.

It all comes down to being too nice. Obviously being a nice person is a good quality but you need to set some boundaries for the future or else people will try to walk all over you, especially your friends because they already have been able to and they’ll think they can do it again and again.

posted over 4 years ago
 
MurasakiNeko
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MurasakiNeko
posts: 1057

I’ve had some friendships where I had trouble standing up for myself. It was mostly because I was afraid if I ever contradicted them it would cause a fight and they would stop being friends with me. You shouldn’t let your friends walk all over you anyway, but now that it’s starting to affect your husband I think it would be a very good idea to learn to assert yourself.

It should help to remember that your friends will still be your friends if you assert yourself and say no to them. A true friend should be reasonable if you explain, “My husband and I were excited about going to the casino tonight; can we save the train dinner for next week?” She might try to persuade you at first, but she won’t make you feel bad about your decision if she can’t change your mind. However, if she gets in a huff about that or tries to manipulate you in cruel ways, like “If you were my friend, you would,” then she’s not a very good friend— and honestly you’re better off without having to deal with her. So be assertive, because in a real friendship you’re totally entitled to do so.

And you may even find that your friends expect you to be more assertive, and they won’t even argue with you when you are!

posted over 4 years ago
 
GlammcouturE
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GlammcouturE
posts: 824

I know it’s hard b/c you want to please people, and not upset them. But the thing is…you are married and have a life, and other priorities, so if you’re friends can’t understand that you have to turn them down every so often, then they are not real friends at all.

Besides, your husband should be your best friend :)

posted over 4 years ago
 
chicchica_bonita
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chicchica_bo...
posts: 1120

It can be really hard, but if you can try to make compromises, or do what i do, make excuses. Honestly, don’t be a big liar, but when its causing problems, its not going to hurt a friend

posted over 4 years ago
 
arnyfull
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arnyfull
posts: 108

i really appreciate all your advices guys…totally made me think deeply about it…
i dont want my husband to feel that he is my less priority..he’s everything to me….last night he honestly told me he doesn’t like some of my friends coz they are bossy while my riend posted something in fb saying y she its hard to get hold of me since that night…darn i hate being in a middle of two hitting stones…!! arrggg…
i sincerely love my friends but my husband is my life..i dont wanna wake up one day losing my husband over friends that expects me to say yes all the time!

posted over 4 years ago
 
MurasakiNeko
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MurasakiNeko
posts: 1057

Well and don’t just do it for your husband— do it for yourself! Set your priorities and stand your ground, whether it’s your friends trying to get you to go against your husband or if your husband were trying to get you to go against your friends. No one person should take over your entire life so much that there’s nothing else left for anyone else. It’s your life, so you’re in charge of keeping the balance.

I can tell you are a very giving and loving person to want to please so many people in your life, but don’t forget about you! In the end, I think you will find a way to keep from feeling caught in the middle of opposing forces. Stay strong and good luck.

posted over 4 years ago
 
Crisss
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Crisss
posts: 1295

I think it`s hard, too. But I just force myself to do this. You should try it! Good luck!

posted almost 2 years ago
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