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MegandVince
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MegandVince
posts: 17

I feel like I can’t ask personal friends about this because I already know what side they’re going to be on even before I ask them.

My bf and I are in a LDR (Long Distance Relationship) and when I say long distance I across the US. It’s actually his turn to visit me so he’s coming in a couple days. Anyways… He performs a lot since he’s a beatboxer and he performs at universities around LA. Well he made some new friends and I noticed that him and another girl were starting to become good friends. They’ve only really known each other since November. I asked him about it and he said they just hang out because o their performances which i totally understand. But recently they’ve been hanging out outside of performances and when they do hang out its for the whole day until like 1 or 2am. Now I know it’s not just them hanging out there’s other people with them. But he talks about her a lot. Today he called me while I was painting and he asks me about my project and the next thing he says is, “Do you hate ______?” And I asked why but in my head i already knew what he was going to say from the tone of his voice. He said that she asked him if I hated her. Well first of all I’m not going to say hate because I’ve never met her nor have said a word to her. I don’t know… Its making me question why she would ask such a thing when it’s not like I said anything to provoke it or have stopped my bf from hanging out. Yea it sucks that I’m trying to get everything ready and he’s out till the early morning having fun and a girl that i’m not exactly comfortable with is around him. But I don’t stop him. I asked my sister about it and she said, “She wouldn’t have asked that unless she felt guilty for something.” It’s not that I don’t trust him. It’s that I don’t trust her. He said that she had a bad rep with other girls in high school because she kept hanging out with their bfs a lot.

Before today I was okay with it. But now that I know she asked that what I am suppose to think? Honestly, there’s a part of me that is thinking she’s going to try something. Am I just paranoid? Please give me an honest opinion.

posted over 5 years ago
woohoo
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woohoo
posts: 236

Aw, that’s really annoying.
I personally think that “does she hate me?” = “is she jealous of me?”
I dont think youre paranoid and I know LDR is hard so youre bound to get more sensitive that’s why your bf should be more careful and caring.
My two cents!

Sorry if I am too straightforward.. Just that this is reminiscent of my experience.

HUGS!

posted over 5 years ago
 
MegandVince
Style_council
MegandVince
posts: 17

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply! I really appreciate it. I think the same thing about the “does she hate me?” question.

xoxo

posted over 5 years ago
 
fauxfur
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fauxfur
posts: 134

I feel ya, girl! I’m in an LDR too, and have been for two years; I live in Boston, while my boyfriend lives in Manila, Philippines. We haven’t seen each other since July 2007! I trust him, but you know there’s always going to be that gut feeling of doubt when other girls are involved. Be cautious, but don’t step beyond the boundary, so to speak. Assumptions don’t always turn out right!

I hope your boyfriend realizes how you feel about this. I mean, really. 1-2 AM? Talks about her a lot? Even brings up such a question? Even I’m getting uneasy, lol. I hope everything turns out fine though!

posted over 5 years ago
 
MegandVince
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MegandVince
posts: 17

WOW Manila? I’m on the East too. I try TRY not to assume things but sometimes i can’t help but question other people, not him. I just seems to me like she thinks everything revolves around her. I mean its not like she’s the only person he hangs out with so why would she think I would be jealous of just her? But yea I really don’t like that he stays out late and I REALLY don’t like it when she’s brought up but at the same time I don’t want him to hide anything from me. I dunno. We’ll probably have a LONG talk about it when he’s here.

Thank you for sharing! <3

posted over 5 years ago
 
woohoo
Style_council
woohoo
posts: 236

Hey, yeah it sounds like you should be honest and talk to him about it.
I guess it is important to position it like"I trust you but some things make me feel sad"
Good luck! <3

posted over 5 years ago
 
twinkl
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twinkl
posts: 125

I agree with the whole “does she hate me” = “is she jealous of me”… Like, excuse me? But who the hell are you? And that was a pretty dense thing for your boyfriend to do… ask you outright “do you hate so-and-so?”

Hope your talk goes smoothly… :)

posted over 5 years ago
 
MegandVince
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MegandVince
posts: 17

I know right? I was just minding my own business thinking everything was okay and excited that he’s coming to visit for 2 weeks and BAM! I get punched in the face with that question.
Thank you for replying! <3

posted over 5 years ago
 
fauxfur
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fauxfur
posts: 134

Same! I agree with twinkl. Why the f would she even ask that? Pathetic. You’re his girlfriend after all, NOT HER. If anything, she’s the one jealous.

posted over 5 years ago
 
MegandVince
Style_council
MegandVince
posts: 17

That’s what I asked. Why is she asking that? But I think i’m just going to have to trust him and get over it. Supposedly the girl is “feeling” my bf’s friend. We’ll see. And apparently a lot of girls ask their guy friends who have girlfriends that. Whatever. For now I’m just going to get off his back and give him everyone ounce of trust and pray that nothing happens and i don’t get hurt.

Thank you girls for taking an interest. If you all have any more advice on LDRs I would love to read them.

xoxo

posted over 5 years ago
 
fauxfur
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fauxfur
posts: 134

I hope so, too. I wish you and your boyfriend all the best! :D

posted over 5 years ago
 
MegandVince
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MegandVince
posts: 17

thank you so much fauxfur! That really means a lot to me especially coming from some one who is also in a long distance relationship. <3

posted over 5 years ago
 
fauxfur
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fauxfur
posts: 134

No problem, Meg! Glad to know there’s someone else in an LDR! <3

-Maria

posted over 5 years ago
 
amorpassion
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amorpassion
posts: 42

hey meg, sorry to hear about your problems ;[ i dont think youre being too paranoid, i would feel the same too. you should talk to him about it and tell him you arent that comfortable with him hanging out with her. if he reallly respected your opinions and feelings, he would not hang around her as much, esp knowing her old reputation. i hope he’ll understandd! and have fun when he comes back :)..hope that helped

posted over 5 years ago
 
MegandVince
Style_council
MegandVince
posts: 17

thank you! he kept saying that she isn’t like that anymore and that she’s changed and is now more Christian like. Since I’ve never met her how am I suppose to know and she could be acting one way with him and acting another way without him. And he’s all, “You’ll get to see her when you visit next time.” Well I might see her yes but am i going to talk to her?…i don’t know. lol I mean I’m not saying I’m going to be a bitch to her (at least not to her face) but its hard to get on my bad side but once you’re there its also hard to get back on my good side and right now….well you know. lol I talked to him today and I guess we made up but we haven’t really resolved. I can’t make him stop seeing her because they usually perform at the same places and I don’t want to take him away from doing what he loves to do (he’s really good at beatboxing lol). I’m calm about it for now but if it happens again (which I know it will) I don’t know how the hell i’m going to react. I told him that I think he should tell her how I feel especially when she asked that question and that she better not mess with me or him because I don’t play…but of course in a polite manner.
Thank you amorpassion! <3

posted over 5 years ago
 
shadowplay_
Style_council
shadowplay_
posts: 258

Oh poor you! :( I agree with your sister though, why would she ask “Does your girlfriend hate me?” unless in her mind, she felt guilty about it? If she was just hanging out with your boyfriend as a friend, then the thought would probably not even cross her mind. Be careful about her, cos it’s better to be safe than sorry. Then again, maybe she was just asking that because she remembered her reputation in the past??? Who knows. Sorry I wasn’t much help. I hope everything works out for you soon. Good luck :)

posted over 5 years ago
 
MegandVince
Style_council
MegandVince
posts: 17

yea I have a good friend who is a guy who has a girl friend and we used to hang out all the time because we had similar schedules and we had a lot of mutual friends and that thought never ever crossed my mind. ewww that would be too wierd lol. I think I’ll have my suspicions about her for a long time because like you said, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Thank you shadowplay!! <3

posted over 5 years ago
 
poorandweird
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poorandweird
posts: 495

I really don’t know what to say…

I can imagine that situation must be incredibly annoying for you. I get paranoid over things as well. But if you trust him, then that’s good.

posted over 5 years ago
 
frenchieee
Style_council
frenchieee
posts: 315

I don’t understand why he would be messenger for her and ask you. If he knows it bothers you, then the right thing to do is stop seeing her (considering you’re suspicious). But I’d be equally as annoyed and contemplative considering my boyfriend just came back from New York the other day and I’m in Chicago. I can see where you’re coming from. I don’t think you’re paranoid, girls just get antsy with these things. Just ask him about it.

posted over 5 years ago
 
MegandVince
Style_council
MegandVince
posts: 17

I definitely will ask him about it. I’m actually going to pick him up today. I got up extra early to make myself look pretty since he hasn’t seen me since January. lol I think another problem is that since he’s in LA and I’m in small small county in Maryland (my dad was in the military and decided to retire here sucks), he has a lot more things to do and places to go in his area. He tends to be out a lot doing something either with friends or family which I have no problem with. Heck if my area was like LA I’d probably be out too. It just sucks because he’s meeting all these new people lately and hanging out with them that i feel…well, left out. And I have also been extremely busy this past semester because I’m transferring to a university which is probably why i’m noticing it now because I’m not as busy as much. I hate to say it but I think moving out especially to my new school which is in Baltimore will balance things out. i also think another problem I have is that I might be a little too attached and so i constantly want him to be there whether it be texting me back right away or picking up the phone and talking to him every single day. Maybe my moving to Baltimore for the next 2 years is a good thing for us. I just pray that we don’t end up drifting apart and he’s also scared that someone at my new school will get in between us. Which I WILL NOT let happen! lol I have plans for my future and he’s a big part in them. Even my parents make fun about how we might have fat kids because of his side HAHA. he’s um…a husky boy.
But we will definitely talk about it when he’s here.
Thank you again girls for taking an interest and replying me your thoughts and advice. i wish i could hug all of you lol <3

Megan

posted over 5 years ago
 
grisell_stephanie
Style_council
grisell_step...
posts: 7

i’m in a long distance relationship 2. my husbands in the army so i’m in chicago and hes all the way in south korea…i’ve had my moments to when things bother me like that but ur not being pariond u have all the right to get mad/upset you are his girlfriend and he should respect you and your guys relationship…. my best advice would be keep a good communication with him it works really well for me and always be one step ahead/be cautious

posted over 5 years ago
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