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TLDANG
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TLDANG
posts: 53

So my boyfriend just recently broke up with me. He said he still wants to be in my life as a friend but I’m still really confused. The break up is still fresh so I’m still all emotional. I honestly don’t know if he being my friend is such a good idea but I still want him there even if he isn’t mine. What should I do? =\

posted almost 5 years ago
PeachyPanda
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PeachyPanda
posts: 789

Personally, I don’t believe in the being friends with ex’s, especially not after a breakup because it makes things even more difficult for the both of you. If you continue being friends, there will be times when one or both of you will want to pretend things are the same as before when in reality they are not – it will make it hard to draw the line between friendship and more. Also, what if he or you starts to date someone new, there is bound to be jealousy there. I just think that if a clean break is best, both persons should move on with their life, meet new people and in a couple of months or years when things have settled down, then becoming friends will be okay if that’s what you wish for.

Good luck with everything, its a tough situation.

posted almost 5 years ago
 
PeacockFeather
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PeacockFeather
posts: 10

I have managed to stay friends with an ex..all though initially things were hard, especially when I moved on. And a year down the line its only occasionally we meet up or talk to be honest which is a shame(although i was in a complete different area). I do think however it can be done (give it some time though before you meet up again).. for me its just nice not to hate each other.

posted almost 5 years ago
 
TLDANG
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TLDANG
posts: 53

Peachypanda I totally agree. He said we can be friends but at times he acts as if he was my boyfriend again. It’s so annoying. As awkward as it is we both keep calling and texting each other on a daily basis like before. I try to keep my distance but he keeps inviting me to his bball games and etc. I don’t wanna be rude and not show up but idk =\

And peacock feather yeah like I don’t want us to hate each other. I’m being as nice as I can about the situation but he makes things so diffcuit.

posted almost 5 years ago
 
camerakind
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camerakind
posts: 117

im best friends w an ex. its not impossible. but we didnt talk for like an year after the break up. it was a mutual thing so that we can get over each other and move on. by the time we started speaking again i had a bf and he had a gf who is now his wife. were really close in the sense we tell each other everything. because we KNOW each other very well it helps when giving advice. im not jealous of his relationship w his wife. however he hates my bf because he says ‘i deserve better’. at first i was like uh oh but i realized hes jus a friend looking out for me.

talk to him about not speaking for a while, and when things seem alright, reach out for him for friendship. some feelings may return but if you do want him in your life try your best to shove it aside for the sake of the friendship. goodluck :)

posted almost 5 years ago
 
PeacockFeather
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PeacockFeather
posts: 10

I think its best to avoid the texting each other as much as you used to..I did this also and it does make it harder. But as camerakind shows it isn’t impossible! If he was also your bestfriend whilst you were together then you probaly dont want to lose that.

Hope it works out whichever way is best for you anyway

posted almost 5 years ago
 
fille
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fille
posts: 86

Simply put, if you’re not emotionally ready, I really don’t think being friends right now is wise for you. However in the future if you ever feel like you’re up for being friends again, then it could work out. First and foremost is for your emotions to settle or else it could become more confusing for you.

posted almost 5 years ago
 
secretlover
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secretlover
posts: 35

You’re all hot girls so i honestly think you should just move on and meet someone who deserves you better. Just my honest opinion.

Peace sign

posted almost 5 years ago
 
secretlover
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secretlover
posts: 35

@PeacockFeather – I agree with you. It’s better to divert your attention and just try not to text, call or see each other. It will be for the better.

posted almost 5 years ago
 
splashofcolour
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splashofcolour
posts: 1241

Being friends with an ex is possible, provided you get over each other first. I know plenty of people who are still friends with their exes and I was with mine (though we fell out in the end because of something totally unrelated to the situation). It’s not going to happen until you’ve both moved on though. You should both keep your distance for a bit to get over the break up, and if your friendship is meant to be it will happen. Being friends after break-ups can be an advantage anyway because you’re likely to see each other around in the future and it’ll be a lot less awkward if you’re remained on good terms.

posted almost 5 years ago
 
elizabethmd
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elizabethmd
posts: 270

This is how I stayed close with my ex. I’m actually really surprised at this, and I’m so lucky to have him. After we broke up over the summer, we casually talked but not often at all. We kept our distance for say, a month. Then once school started, we naturally got back into our routine of me meeting him at his locker after school, him walking me to my car, skipping class on a bad day for SubWay, things like that. It was so easy because we had so much to talk about. Now we’re going out to lunch together today and over the weekend I’m going to his Water Polo game. I don’t know how it happened, I think it’s because he’s just a generally sweet guy.

So my advice, as well as others here I see, is to leave a lot of space between the two of you. Let yourselves get over each other and don’t hold a grudge if you want to be friends. Just let the coming together part happen naturally, or else, not happen at all.

posted almost 5 years ago
 
cassiepaige
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cassiepaige
posts: 117

I don’t think being friends with a ex is a next day thing. It takes time to realize that there’s not the same connection as before. I mean maybe somewhere down the road there can be a possiblity of being friends, it just depends on the person and how they treat the break up. I’m not friends with any of my ex’s but when I see them I can still talk to them and see how they are but I never thought of being close to them, and I don’t think my boyfriend would appreciate me talking to my ex’s, he gets a little defensive!

posted almost 5 years ago
 
secretlover
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secretlover
posts: 35

Yeah, you get over each other first. It’s really hard if your girl still likes you. It’s a pain in the a$$. You think you’re cool but then all of a sudden she’s crying and all.. Sorry, talking about my exp..

posted almost 5 years ago
 
Statics
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Statics
posts: 68

It’s definitely possible to be friends with your ex- it’s best for you both to heal from the break-up first.

My ex and I are really good friends still. We broke up last June, then didn’t really talk for a few months. Now we’re on pretty good terms, though we don’t see each other as much any more.

posted almost 5 years ago
 
frenchieee
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frenchieee
posts: 315

I waited 6 months until I talked to my ex. It wasn’t a good thing since I was still utterly in love with him. So definitely, you’ll need to get over him COMPLETELY. Perhaps getting over him is moving on and finding someone else, perhaps it could be a hobby that ensues your time. But until then, don’t speak to him and tell him that it doesn’t mean you hate him but you just need time and it is definitely possible to be friends with an ex.

posted almost 5 years ago
 
coldlight
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coldlight
posts: 2273

I agree with everyone that it’s possible. However in my experience it hasn’t worked well at all if one of you still likes the other. If you still like them it’s painful seeing them often and knowing that they’re over you when you aren’t, and if they start dating someone new there’s bound to be jealousy.
You should spend some time away from each other until you’re sure you’re completely over it and then try and reconnect the friendship.

posted almost 5 years ago
 
miss_scientist
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miss_scientist
posts: 133

lindaluv, it depends on how deep your feelings were for him, and if you can be honest about your feelings now. if you sincerely feel that you only want to be friends just to be friends, and not to hang out with him in the hopes of reconciling, then that’s okay. but honestly, it does take time for those feelings to cool off.

i got out of a 2+ year long relationship over the summer, and “reconciling and being friends” didn’t work for me. i had to completely cut him out of my life when i realized we couldn’t actually be platonic friends.

posted almost 5 years ago
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