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Ms_Fraser
Style_council
Ms_Fraser
posts: 10

I have a really complex situation with this boy whom I’ve been on and off with for several months.
A part of me doesn’t want to be in the relationship..Just because I’m young and being in a relationship to me is a job.. in the sense that you always have to worry about the other person’s feelings etc etc.

But every time I try to leave he acts as if he can’t live without me..and just does the most..Not to mention the fact that i feel like he suffers from depression and such because of the fact that he doesn’t have a good relationship with his parents…

I am wrong for staying with him ? Even though he kind of won’t let me go.

posted over 3 years ago
magali
Style_council
magali
posts: 325

I dunno girl. I think you deserve to be happy. And if you’re not, there’s no reason to stay in the relationship. If you really think he’s too depressed, you should make him seek counseling.

posted over 3 years ago
 
PeachyPanda
Style_council
PeachyPanda
posts: 789

i agree with the post above. try to get him to seek help. let him know you really care for him but you’re just not ready for a relationship. it will be hard, especially if he really does suffer from depression but you are not helping either one of you out by staying together

posted over 3 years ago
 
MurasakiNeko
Style_council
MurasakiNeko
posts: 1057

But every time I try to leave he acts as if he can’t live without me
This is technically emotional abuse. If somebody emotionally blackmails you to stay in a relationship you want to leave, that’s completely unfair to you and puts you in a very stressful situation. If he’s depressed I can understand why he does it, and I’m sure he’s doing it without knowing that it’s harmful . . . but that still doesn’t mean you have to put up with it.

I think you definitely should encourage him to get help. If you want to be with him, stick around to see if things improve once he does. But if you don’t want to be with him right now, you have absolutely no obligation to stay. It’s fine to say that you can’t be with him at this stage in your life and in the condition he is now. It’s also fine to say that you think you could be there for him better as just a friend than a girlfriend. Just because you’re not going out with someone doesn’t mean they can’t be part of your life.

So please just be sure to make the call on what YOU want, not just what you think HE wants.

posted over 3 years ago
 
KellyJoy
Style_council
KellyJoy
posts: 38

I think the advice everyone’s given you is really good advice. This brings to mind a relationship I was involved in a while ago. But my ex was threatening to kill himself, so it was extreme. I still left anyway.

The only thing I would add is that you shouldn’t ignore that little voice that we all have within telling us when a situation we’re in is not the best for us. Most of us women don’t listen to that inner voice of reason and end up regretting it later. You’re right about being young and not needing to be weighed down with these issues so early on. The only thing I would warn against is if you do decide to break things off, I’m sure that it will be impossible to be just friends with him, especially when you get into a new relationship.

One more suggestion, it would be a good idea to talk to an older family member or friend you trust for some good advice and let them know what’s going on.

posted over 3 years ago
 
boredstephanie
Style_council
boredstephanie
posts: 1309

you shouldn’t be with someone just because you pity him. One of these days you’re going to finally realize its not a real relationship and break it off then he’ll take it even harder than he would right now. Its hurting both of you to just drag on the relationship so just end it as gently as possible. I mean, you can still be his friend and help him through his problems even if you are not together

posted over 3 years ago
 
maredight
Style_council
maredight
posts: 171

Just do whatever makes you happy!!! Sometimes you dont have to worry that much about what the others feel and just go for what’s best for you.

posted over 3 years ago
 
candy_ytal
Style_council
candy_ytal
posts: 108

You deserve to be happy. Of course when you leave him expect that he will be very depressed because it’s a normal thing when someone is heart broken but then again he will surely understand, it will take time though. It’s not your fault, you just want to achieve your dreams and ambitions in life, you just want to take a break and do something for yourself, do what you have to do, just gently let him go.. :)

posted over 3 years ago
 
Ms_Fraser
Style_council
Ms_Fraser
posts: 10

All of you guys helped a lot..
I really, really appreciate it..
Like a lot.
I’ve really been confused and struggling with this for what feels like forever I guess i kind of always knew this in the back of my head but I needed some assurance

posted over 3 years ago
 
Reybeltane
Style_council
Reybeltane
posts: 1490

You both deserve to be happy. And you should tell him that. He says he can’t live without you, but if he’s also not happy and has some issues to work out while he’s with you, perhaps he needs some time to himself to do some self-improvement /therapy /constructive efforts to being less depressed. And depression is hard. I know. I also have an interesting family background and have recently lost a parent. So on the other hand, I can say that my boyfriend has been a source of support and love that I do really need. But because of this, when he’s around I am happier than I usually am, not continuously depressed. If you don’t get to see the happy side of him, maybe it’s time he searches for the happy side of himself, and how he gets there. If you really make him happy, then he’ll make you happy and the relationship shouldn’t feel like a job. stay strong!

posted over 3 years ago
 
KeshPaterson
Style_council
KeshPaterson
posts: 2

Oh..been there love.. It takes a lot of energy to break up with this type. But you really dont want to be tied down and brought down by his depression dont you? I think you should end it quick and end all communication. It will help both of you in the end.

Hope I helped

posted about 2 years ago
 
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jewels10
posts: 3

I think your should be honest with him, tell him what you feel and really just hope for the best. If he really is suffering from some kind of depression, then you can help him go through it even if it means to just be friends. Best of luck!!

posted about 2 years ago
 
Off4thandGraham
Style_council
Off4thandGraham
posts: 147

That’s not healthy, not to freak you out but that can get dangerous really fast. he could become obsessed with you and like do stalker-ish things. I was in that situation and I told him I was thinking about leaving and he threaten to commit suicide so it is possible. Not saying it would but you don’t want it to. If you want to leave start talking to him like a friend JUST a friend, and ease in to the break up let him know that even though it’s ending you’ll still be there for him. Then distance yourself. you don’t want to end it so quickly just because he may do something crazy but a distant friendship should be fine until he realizes that it’s ok to let you go. Whatever you do don’t just cutt everything off all of a sudden cause he’ll spaz and you don’t want something horrible to happen.

I hope I helped. Good luck

posted about 2 years ago
 
lovemarta
Style_council
lovemarta
posts: 94

Ohh dear! GET OUT NOW! I just ended a relationship like yours a little less than a myth ago.
1. If you guys are nonstop on and off it’s not good, if he really would be the one, this wouldn’t be happening
2. If he only act like he needs you when you’re gone, he isn’t appreciative. He doesn’t know what he has thill it’s gone and if that keeps happening, he just can’t learn his lesson.
3. I’m sorry that he’s depressed but if he’s putting you down with him, it’s just not worth it
4. You’re young! Enjoy life!

posted about 2 years ago
 
Evson
Style_council
Evson
posts: 75

She wrote this like one year ago… I am wondering what’s going on right now =)) And I agree with all above advices… =)

posted about 2 years ago
 
mercik
Style_council
mercik
posts: 211

Emotional Blackmail

Some men have said “I will KILL MYSELF”

WALK AWAY LADIES.

NO, DON’T WALK.

RUN!

posted about 2 years ago
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