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brandy_alexa...
posts: 12

Okay this is a personal question, but I’d like some advice on how to stay friends with an ex. I am not friends with any of my exes! Before dating we would be really great friends, and then once we dated the friendship just got too awkward and we could not be able to talk like before. I’d like to know if this is just my problem (seriously…how do I lose friendships with all of my exes?) or if everyone has this problem. How do you stay friends with your ex?

posted over 3 years ago
sundaycrossbow
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sundaycrossbow
posts: 75

Nope. It wasn’t about ending on bad terms or anything; life was just easier to break ties completely.

posted over 3 years ago
 
MurasakiNeko
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MurasakiNeko
posts: 1057

My exes are more acquaintances than close friends, but we are on good terms. I think a lot of it depends on why/how you broke up. It’s much harder to stay friends with someone if they broke your trust, betrayed you, emotionally abused you, etc— things you wouldn’t accept from a friend or an SO. But if you broke up because you just lost the spark, didn’t see the relationship going anywhere, because of graduation/moving away, etc, I think there’s an opportunity for friendship if you both want it.

Once you have had some time to grieve, it’s possible to contact them again and just ask how they’re doing, almost like you’re starting over meeting for the first time. Take it slow and feel out how they interact with you. Don’t try to be too close too fast. Just be friendly and let them know you’re over it and that you’d love to have them in your life as a friend if they want to, too. But if they’re not into it, you just have to accept it. I think the biggest fear people have is that it will be too painful to be friends— or one of you will fall for the other again.

And that is a valid fear. For a while one of my exes and I got to be really close, closer than we had been before we even dated— but he ended up falling for me again even though I wasn’t interested in starting a relationship again. It was heartache for him and he ended up hurting me pretty badly because he was so angry about being rejected he couldn’t treat me well as a friend anymore, either. So that’s why I say my exes are acquaintances, not friends, because I do keep them at a little more of a distance than my other friends. We can talk and hang out, but I’m wary of getting too close in case either of us gets hurt. Just something to keep in mind.

posted over 3 years ago
 
MiuSan
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MiuSan
posts: 464

When you are saying it feels awkward…well then it just does. I think it would be horrible to force it. I am friends with 1 of my ex, we see from time to time (we broke up after a long relationship, sometimes even a friend with benefit thing)
The rest I don’t talk to or see, because I don’t want to.

posted over 3 years ago
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